i'm that space between melancholy and choleric

It will be nice to go back to being dirty youth. Not giving, dancing, not wearing a bra, being able to sport shorts in the heat, and affording my time I have and traveling…

Threesome - To dream that you are involved in a threesome indicates that there is a missing component in your sex life. Pay attention to the gender of the participants in the threesome. If mostly female, then the dream implies that the missing component may pertain to some emotional aspect of sex. If mostly male, then the dream implies that some physical aspect of sex is lacking. Note that the dream does not necessarily mean that you want a threesome in your waking life.

Dwarf - To see a dwarf in your dream suggests that you are well-grounded and connected to nature and the earth. Alternatively, a dwarf may mean an aspect of yourself that is not fully developed or has been repressed. You may be feeling inferior or insignificant.

Grammar - To dream that you are studying grammar suggests difficulties in getting your point across and communicating your ideas.

Underwater - suggests that you are being overcome with emotions and are in over your head regarding some situation. You need to gain greater control of your life.

Hugging - symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart. Alternatively, it may indicate your need to be more affectionate.

Merman - indicates a need to belong and to be part of something. Alternatively, a merman represents some message from your unconscious.

Rock - symbolizes strength, permanence, stability and integrity, as conveyed in the common phrase “as solid as a rock”. The dream may also indicate that you are making a commitment to a relationship or that you are contemplating some changes in your life that will lay the groundwork for a more solid foundation. Alternatively, a rock represents stubbornness, disharmony and unhappiness.

I dreamt that I went back to MPH and was in the cafeteria talking to old friends and hugging them. Suddenly the hall filled with water and a merman asked for help with a problem with the pool. Charlie, a thirteen-year-old girl, and I jumped into the cold water to bring a rock from the bottom of the deep pool. Then I had to pul the girl up because she was trying to get involved with something that was too much for her. She almost drowned and I yelled at her for getting into something she couldn’t handle. 
I left the camp without Charlie, moving down a lot of hallways and elevators, because I was scared about the mechanical problem that I KNOW has been in dreams before but I just can’t remember when. I got far enough away because I hadn’t used my cell phone so I was untraceable. But I knew I had to go back and get Charlie because I knew he would never be able to get back by himself. 
I went back and tried to use my cell phone to get ahold of him, but I had to go through a series of number punching and then a voice telling me I would never make it in time. I got into an elevator with other people and the voice was quiet which really pissed me off and made me scream at it. Doors started shutting on me and I was nearly escaping all these problems with technology and then I woke up. 

I want another tattoo. In white ink cause I’m all about the conspicuousness. I don’t even know what I want, just that I want it. My mom will kill me when she finds out.

Guys like you are a dime a dozen

But I’m sick of your shit

And I’m sick of no lovin’

I’m smothered 

I’m tired

I’m living to find awnsers

But it’s never happened

And I’m not improving

Either lay me or not

I’m tired of being empty

prepstergrunge:

guest-age:

angstier:

createyourself42:

Trav, it’s 1:14 in the morning 

with January rain outside

because the weather is all mixed up

and mid-America skipped winter in my favor

All I can think of is how we said

we’d be honest with each other

no matter what is was

silently knowing “through sex and secrets”

and I wonder if that could ever really happen

or if we’re just going to keep the corners of our crammed thoughts

back where we think they belong…

It’s your last letter that got me thinking friend and I remember

the first time you sang to me

on the cold metal green seats 

with the air chilly-thick from fall when we met

and my cheeks hurting from laughing

but do you remember discovering dreams

or angry snapping over somethings

or late nights rumbling over the high-beam-lit knobby brick back roads

there was star-glowing Arkansas at night

when I sang songs out of key

and ate dangerous popcorn

and trusted you wholeheartedly

but loved it all?

Trav I think it’s funny how loving people works

because it happens faster than the action at fault does

it’s some kind of quiet lighting

that creates a bloom from the eyes iris’

making rose-colored lenses lovely

but always leave you feeling stupid when they shatter

and sometimes wishing you could have been blind all along

I’m having trouble with not loving people for the one 

glowing beauty they posses and end up loving many people so deeply

that I feel scattered and naïve

like I’m too old to continue innocence

I should have waved away the same night I handed it over

I’m sure you know I’m a sucker for the good in people

but who else will notice if I don’t

and how can I not 

where there’s so much good to roll over and wonder in?

Trav I wonder how your own heart is 

because that good inside it seems strong but 

that doesn’t mean it’s not bruised

and I’m jealous of the girls you put on rose-colored glasses for

because they haven’t put in the thought 

or the time

that it takes to really know someone and be able to be enamored by them

or let them be your Genius Muse. 

What is everything you want and why don’t you have it?

When we’re thirty we’ll be older but that’s not all because

we’ll be broken and mended and free and trapped

in every sense that comes to mind first

Maybe by then we will have lived like the Beats

And is my poem sprinting now?

What I mean is, Trav 

I couldn’t paint you an iceberg but I can try to write you a poem

which is saying a more than showing

since you’re the only person I’ve managed to do that for 

more than once or in 2012

It’s long and it’s prose-y because I’m not a poet

and I don’t know how I’ve said thoughtful things to you before

without feeling the weight of them leave my mouth…
I’ve had too much 6 point cider for a Wednesday night

but you know your life is uneventful

when the closest you get to being invited to a party is 

someone underaged asking for your I.D.

and you spend the night with questions and a dark hot bed-sheets.

It’s 1:39 Trav and I’m not going to edit this

because the Genius living in my walls is about to finish passing through

so I’ll leave this to you

in the slow-motion everything

from a smile-slapped somebody between the towering evergreens.

To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.

To see a turtle in your dream symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take it slow in some situation or relationship in your life. With time and patience, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, a turtle indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. You are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in. As a result, you are feeling withdrawn.

To dream that you are being chased by a turtle indicates that you are hiding behind a facade, instead of confronting the things that are bothering you.

If the dog in your dream is vicious and/or growling, then it indicates some inner conflict within yourself. It may also indicate betrayal and untrustworthiness

I’m going to do it, I’m going to put blue in my hair. Little bits behind my ears, but I’m going to do it! Once I buy some gloves and my mom isn’t home because she’ll flip shit even if it’s semi-permanent.

• Ran a 5k into the New Year with my family
• Wrote a new poem
• Got a scary accurate tarot card reading
• Started dating Charlie
• Went to a Botanical Garden
• Had an expensive Valentine’s dinner with Charlie
• Volunteered at a new camp for physical and mental special needs kids
• Went to the Zoo with Charlie
• Went to a play with Charlie
• Made a friend from Korea (Mirim) and introduced her to America
• Lost a scavenger hunt
• Went easter egg hunting and found one egg
• Watched my friend from high school get married
• Survived my Junior year of college
• Tanned outside with Mirim after finals 
• Went to a Glo Rave
• Got a retail job
• Watched Charlie graduate
• Took summer classes
• Replaced my started, radiator, hoses, thermostat and thermostat housing by myself
• Had my 21st birthday
• Went fishing
• Saw the midnight showing of HP7P2 with my brother
• Flew to Seattle and stayed for a week with Charlie
• Went to my grandmother’s funeral
• Attended a gay nightclub
• Experienced Beale Street with Charlie
• Went to the State fair with Charlie
• Carved pumpkins with Charlie
• Made my Sailor Moon halloween costume
• Took Mirim ice skating
• Saw Mirim off to her one way flight back home to Korea
• Re-read the Harry Potter books

to be cont…

All my friends are getting married and shit and I’m just like “Don’t mind me I’ll be loving every trashy vodka weekend I can handle. Have fun with your wedding planning and house mortgage bitchessss.”

James Potter - Stag

Animal Stereotype: Stags, with their impressive antlers, symbolize nobility without being predatory, though their tendency to simply look majestic and fight over females means they may be depicted as vain braggarts.

Book Relevance: James is portrayed as a noble and vain character, which is often addressed by Severus Snape. 

Sirius Black - Dog (Mongrel or Unidentified Type)

Animal Stereotype: Mongrels are often street-smart and heroic.

Book Relevance: ”Sirius was a brave, clever, and energetic man, and such men are not usually content to sit at home in hiding while they believe others to be in danger.” - Dumbledore

Peter Pettigrew - Rat

Animal Stereotype: Nasty, cowardly, indecent, aggressive, greedy, licentious and cunning. Knows a lot about the criminal world, often a thief.

Book Relevance: Shown as a coward when backed into a corner, is weak and sniveling when challenged. Best example is his role in Harry Potter book 3.

To dream that you forget or can’t find where you parked your car indicates that you are dissatisfied or unhappy with an aspect of your waking life. You do not know what you really want to do with your life or where you want to go. To dream that your car has been stolen indicates that you are being stripped of your identity. This may relate to losing your job, a failed relationship, or some situation which has played a significant role in your identity and who you are as a person